1. Tell him that infants are more evil than he is.
2. Every time he has an evil moment, say “That is soooooo lame….”
3. When he’s battling Saradomin, cheer for Saradomin.
4. After he loses, ask in a babyish voice, “Does someone need a huggle?”
5. Every five seconds, say “I’m hungry”, or “Are we there yet?”
6. Tell him he doesn’t have enough fun.
7. Put a flower wreath on his head.
8. Buy him a dress.
9. Steal his staff.
10. Buy him a bunk bed and tell him that no one wants to sleep with him because he snores.
11. Get him pink Barney sheets for the bunk bed.
12. When he gets mad, say “Awww…someone needs a nappie-wappie!”
13. Ask him to tell you about his girlfriends, and laugh when he can’t.
14. Tell him he’s too old, and take him to a retirement home.
15. Ask him why he’s so evil, then prance around him saying “Zammy is an evil-doer!”
16. Call him Zammy, or Zammy-poo.
17. Make him dance.
18. Tell him that Zezima would be a better fighter than he was.
19. Tell him you’ve heard better evil plots from a Girl Scout.
20. Put him in a water-gun fight.
21. Spin him around until he gets dizzy.
22. Make him ride a Gnome Plane. Make sure it goes in lots of loops so that he pukes.
23. Dust him off when he walks in.
24. Follow him around and spray disinfectant on everything he touches.
25. Ask him if he likes fluffy unicorns.
26. Whenever he starts talking, burst into laughter.
27. Throw rose petals wherever he walks.
28. Every time he starts to fight, pull him by the ear and say “How many times have I told you? No fighting!”
29. Make him go to Mt. Friend.
30. Make him watch Teletubbies.
31. Teach him to sing the “I Love You” song from Barney.

32. Ask him if he ever wore a diaper.
33. Ask him if he’s ever heard of the word “love”.
34. Ask him if his mother sang him lullabies. Then ask if he even had a mother.
35. Tell him that he’s an “evil-lord-wannabe”.
36. Put on a play and act out the battle between him and Saradomin. You play Saradomin.
37. Make him eat heart-shaped cookies.
38. Throw a loud house party next door.
39. “Forget” to pick up his dry cleaning.
40. Constantly sing “Zippidy do da.”
41. Bring him to the movie theater, and don’t let him see any movies except for rated G ones.
42. Spoon-feed him jello..
43. Tuck him in every night.
44. Buy him a Disney Princess Dining Set.
45. Buy him a stuffed Pikachu..
46. Give him lemonade, take pictures of him when he realizes how sour it is, and apologize for forgetting the sugar.
47. Ask him if he wants a massage.
48. Secretly sneak into his room and put a big teddy-bear on his bed.
49. Make sure the teddy-bear is a Care Bear.
50. Ask him when was the last time he went to the gym and had a good workout.
51. Tell him it’s your birthday, and you want his official plushie.
52. Hug him whenever you see him.
53. Ask him if he wears clean underwear.
54. Ask him if he scrubbed behind his ears.
55. Ask him if he ever read “How To Become An Evil Person For Dummies.”
56. Tell him his “evil laugh” sounds like a girl giggling.
57. Give him a “Tickle-Me-Elmo.”
58. Buy him flowers for his birthday-that is, if he even HAS a birthday.
59. Read him Dick and Jane.
60. Repeatedly ask him if you’re annoying him yet.
61. Every time he tries to talk to you, shout “EW!! NO, I WILL NOT GO OUT WITH YOU!!”
62. Pour water down his face and then tell Saradomin that you made Zammy cry with a loud “AWWWWW” at the end.
63. Take him to your school prom.
64. Give him manicures.
65. Ask him how long he’s worn that outfit.
66. Tell him he smells.
67. Make him celebrate Christmas. Force him to decorate the tree with bright and colorful things.
68. Put him up for auction.
69. Tell him about the Easter bunny.
70. Give him a makeover.
71. Give him a nose-ring and/or lip-ring and tell him that he’d look more evil if he wore it.
72. Ask him when was the last time he brushed his teeth.
73. Teach him to play the violin. Make him learn “Greensleeves.”
74. Volunteer him at the local animal shelter.
75. Read this list of things to him.