Before I begin, I just want to point out something I’ve noticed. A lot of us like to classify Jagex as a whole. A single entity that is responsible for everything that happens in Runescape. Kind of like a God. Or a collective hive-mind. While it’s not entirely false that it’s something that part of the team has done when classified in that matter, it’s still a bit broad and general a strike. Especially when complaining and expressing negative feelings in the false hope of a 15-minute glory. Unless it’s justified somehow, which really comes down to luck.

I myself have been working with a similar development team for almost two years now. Though the team is smaller, we still have departments.

All that being said, from now on, rather than classifying Jagex as a whole, saying stuff like “Jagex needs to fix this” and “Jagex has fixed it”, I’m going to be a lot more formal and classify them a bit more directly. For example, “the Jagex graphic designers need to fix this” and “The Jagex storyboarders could’ve done something more with this had they the time and resource to carry it out.” A lot more professional, and I’m not lashing out at everyone who calls themselves a “worker at Jagex”.

Now that that’s out of the way:

The Jagex Team start their Behind the Scenes videos with the same sort of concept that “Runescape’s got big things in store” and “the team is really excited about it”. And who wouldn’t be? The company’s growing to the point where they are literally advancing the Runescape game rather than leaving it a simple, static development like about 99% of the other games out there are. Everything is constantly changing. The graphics, the content, and at one point; the game itself through the Evolution of Combat!

Lots of people don’t like change. You’ll recognize them as the lashers who complain through a emotionally worn “you ruined a good thing” context. Who could possibly know what’s a “good thing” more than the creators? And it’s not as though they were worshiping the piece of content before it was taken away. No matter; progress ignores them, as they are a minority. They themselves need to learn to accept change rather than restricting progress, or everybody will suffer.

Anyways, the Runescape Behind the Scenes article for June brought about a change of pace. Rather than a set of anticipated content throughout the month, Mod Mark (See there? I didn’t just put “Jagex” this time! I do my research!) have instead posted a couple of sure-fire updates and have also supplied us a list of updates to come in the next several months and, due to so much happening at once, it’s really anyone’s say as to what’s coming next.

And I’m going to comment on them and voice my opinion on… well, pretty much how excited I am for them.

Right, here we go. By the Holy Magic of Copy-Paste:

RuneScape 3: New graphics, customisable interfaces and some amazing launch content to boot. Who could ask for more?

Dismissing the “obviously” rhetorical question (good luck explaining that one to the complainers) and the fear of the chore behind a “customizable” interface, I’m excited just to see what the programmers, graphic modelling teams, and audio teams of Jagex (see how easy it is?) can do with HTML5 and WebGL. If I ever win a trip there, that’s the first thing I’m going to inquire about. Though I imagine they will not want to divulge any secrets regarding these latest technologies. And I’ll respect that. But hey, no harm in trying. And, really, what are the chances I’ll get a chance to go there and do that anyways?

Divination Skill: Old-school training with new-school rewards.

Old-school training. When I hear that, I think back to the days where you had to click on the fishing spot each and every time you wanted to catch a fish. You had to manually click the tree to “attempt” to chop it. After a few rounds of experience, you had to sleep to take out your fatigue so you could gain more experience.

I suppose it’s good for nostalgia purposes, but I imagine it’ll get awfully boring at around level 60. And then you’re not even a tenth up to level 99. … but, then again, that’s what made level 99 and the skillcape so special back then was when it really did take some devotion.

So despite the scary-sounding idea of clicking at least twice for every 10 experience points, I’m just excited to see what this skill involves, if it’s completely unlike prayer in some way.

Skill 2: No, I won’t tell you what it is yet!

Ooh, yes! Excellent! Our deliciously diabolical imaginations will ponder the possibilities and whole clans will spawn to support potential ideas, only to build up expectations so high that everything will come crashing down once the update is made.

No, I am NOT being sarcastic. I’m seriously excited in that retrospect. That’s really my favourite part of these mystery items. See a few articles back for context.

You wanna know what I think it is? Mind-Melding. Take control of NPCs and make them attack- … wait, no, that’s summoning. Darn it!

Dwarf Finale Quest: As voted for by you.

Woah, wait. Finale?! Darn it, if they said “finale”, I would’ve voted gnome! Or elf! … actually, no, the elven storyline wasn’t votable. Never mind, I’m fine with this.

Barrows Brothers Deluxe: Can they really get more awesome? Yes, they can.

How can seven dead guys get more awesome? … actually, I wrote to the Jagex support team once inquiring why the Salve Amulet didn’t work on them, and through a very well thought-up explanation detailing why and how they were not actually dead that… I’ve managed to lose over the years… yes, they really can get more awesome.

I can totally see us entering in a group of four and taking on all seven simultaneously. With a couple dozen bloodworms and skeletons shooting at us.

Can they really get more awesome? Yes, they can.

Epic World Events: Seriously – these are amazing, and will change the future of RuneScape forever. I can’t wait to tell you more, but I don’t want to ruin the surprise.

Actually, no! Don’t tell us more! Just have it suddenly come out from nowhere! Surprises like that are best left to the last minute! … well, at least do that to one event. That would be AWESOME!

Wake up, ho hum, eat breakfast, check Runescape- OH MY GAWD, SARADOMIN’S ARM-WRESTLING ZAMORAK IN VARROCK! CALLING IN SICK TO WORK VERY MUCH!

(Just kidding, I wouldn’t do that. Unless I really was sick and it happened to come out on that day. Which has happened once, I’ll admit.)

Seasonal High Scores: Check out the recent RS3 BTS video to find out more.

Indifferent. If I want to be better at somebody, it will be at Super Smash Bros, which is so much more glorifying to be better at someone at. Runescape, I just like playing it for the story and the fun factor.

Player-Owned Ports Expansion: More islands, more adventures, more rewards.

Good! I’m waiting to spend my 60 000 stainless steel on some new upgrades. …wait, it doesn’t say “more buildings” or “more materials”. … darn.

Quest: Bringing Home the Bacon: Yum!

For some reason, I’m under the impression that this quest is made to be more crazy and hilarious that the Marmaros and Thok saga.

I really, REALLY hope we see this quest within the next few weeks. I like funny more than I like cannons. Almost.

Upgraded Tool Belt with New Tools: As suggested by you, via the forums.

Yo dawg, I heard ya like tools so I put a belt on your belt so you can chop while you crop. … no, that didn’t work very well.

I don’t know what other tools you can put on that thing. …except a dragon pickaxe and hatchet. But that would just be silly. Maybe the two new skills require tools. Or maybe you can add tools from mini-games like the Castle Wars catapult repair kit, the Impling Net, and the Yaktwee stick.

Kind of indifferent about this one. I mean, all it does is save you a space when doing stuff. And there’s not much that requires the extra space nowadays thanks to equip-able tools and beasts of burden.

6th Age Quests 1, 2, 3 and 4: What madness will the 6th Age bring?

Well, you got the Gods coming back and getting ready to fight stuff, but I don’t really foresee any real fighting about to happen in the near future. Anybody else watching those Naruto Shippuden filler episodes will know what to expect. Stuff that happens because the Gods are returning that need to be fixed or done in response of the Gods returning, but when it all comes down to it, nothing really happened or changed. Maybe someone lived out a dream, or somebody died to give somebody else another chance at awesome, but I really don’t see any of these quests are going to be anything dynamic like The World Wakes.

That’s not to say they won’t be as fun, though. I’m a very avid questeer, and I’m looking very forward to new quests and stories that will arise throughout the development of the Sixth Age.

Loyalty Store Update: New stuff!

Oh, good! I thought the designer team forgot about that. I’m saving up my points. Hope y’all do the same.

Grouping System: A great new way to access our minigames without having to wait.

In other words, either an instancing system similar to the one at Stealing Creation where clans can play their own games… after they wait for everyone to arrive, or a party-match system similar to almost every single online FPS game out there which groups players up in parties and starts games right away. …which still involves waiting.

But not as long. Waiting 2 minutes instead of 20… yeah, that’s something good right there.

Halloween: Woo, scary!

Uh… well… as fun as the events initially are, and I totally get where they try to go with them, the holiday events always seem to be… I dunno, what’s the word… incomplete. Sort of like Team Fortress 2’s Pyrovision changing the world. All it is is some new paint and a few decals here and there; there’s not enough difference to dynamically make the place feel any different like one comes to expect.

Same with these events. You got the machines and stuff, but the content behind them hardly ever matches up to the kind of quality you see in the other updates. I understand that it’s sort of the idea that it’s a quick bit of content so that it doesn’t deviate the developers from creating non-seasonal content, but if the project managers there at least put a team on a good, high-quality piece of content that can be reused over and over (like the halloween haunted house – whatever happened to that?)…

Not entirely a huge fan of the seasonal updates. They’re fun and all, but they’re not really the Runescape experience. Nevertheless, I will continue to hold a good expectation for this next event. Considering its plan is coming from now, 4 months to release, perhaps it will be something epic.

Pickpocketing Summoners: Does exactly what it says on the tin – a great way to get charms and Thieving XP.

Not excited. In fact, the way this is going, six months from now you’ll be able to runecraft summoning charms. To the Jagex content planners; Summoning doesn’t have to get any easier. Focus more on some of those annoyingly repetitive skills like Fletching and Mining.

Bosses: More epic battles, including powerful loot for mages.

Forget the loot, just gimme the boss. I’ll mess him so badly the next player to fight it will faint.

Also, now that we’re at equipment (outside of daemonheim) that requires level 90 combat stats to equip, I imagine it’s only a matter of time before our combat stats all reach a new maximum of 120. That would be pretty boss. …no pun intended.

Elite Combat Mobs: Combat training for the toughest high-level players.

The demons weren’t elite? … well, considering I soloed one once, I suppose not. I’ll keep a minor interest towards this one. I mean, look at that line: “combat training for the toughest high-level players”. The “toughest” of those players would already have all level 99s. Why would they want combat training?

… unless… no, it couldn’t be…

New trees: New foliage that’s sure to make the cut!

“Make the cut.” Ha. Ha ha. Ah ha ha. Ah ha ha haaa! Haaaa ha ha haaaaa! Aaaah haaa haaaaaa! AAAH HAA HAAAAA HAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAH HAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA! HAAAAA HAAA HAAAAAAAA! AAAAAH HAAAA HAAA HAAA! HAAAA HAA! AAH HAAA HAAA! AH ha! Ha! Ah haa haa… haa… ah haaa…

… haa…

New trees to cut. Exciting, I suppose. I mean, cutting down trees is fun, isn’t it? And having new trees to cut down… well, it doubles the fun, right?

I don’t know. I’m not really a Runescape lumberjack, so I don’t know what the appeal is with chopping trees. I imagine there are some professional, passionate tree choppers out there jumping in their seats with no help from their legs whatsoever. But I’ll remain indifferent until there’s a very good reason why I would possibly be interested in new trees to chop-

Construction Rework: Build in places you’d never expect!

…

*For this next line to fully be in effect, imagine that right after reading “construction rework”, these is a pause for around 30-40 seconds, in which my eyes are incredibly wide, my mouth hangs open completely numb, and I begin to drool over the keyboard. Then I break my vow of swearing and shout “$^@$ YES!” so loud that a window breaks on the neighbours’ house and a car outside screeches to a halt, causing a rear-end collision with the car in behind. Then there is some shouting outside, a couple of fire sirens, a muffled explosion, and some police helicopters involved, but none of that can be heard overtop of my repeated shoutings of “$^@$ YES!”, which lasts for several minutes until the door is broken down and some heavily armoured men toss teargas canisters into the building, flooding the place in an environment so toxic that it’s deemed a national hazard and gets quarantined along with the eastern half of the city. Long story short, I’m smuggled out of the asylum through a daring escape that involves a large crate of pineapples and a collection of dismembered human thumbs and am relocated to an underground bunker on one of the moons orbiting planet Saturn, to which I forget about the whole ordeal, check Runescape’s website to see what I’ve missed all this time, come to the exact same line again, and the whole series of events repeats itself several times over the course of three weeks until it is broken due to the loss of my brain’s ability to comprehend the color spectrum.*

Connnstruuuctiioooon uuuupdaaaate…

*Effect is now over*

FINALLY! A CONSTRUCTION UPDATE!!! CONSTRUCTION UPDATE!!!

Wait, what’s this “build in places you’d never expect”? Oh, wait, lost interest because of CONTSTRUCTION UPDATE!!!

And wait a sec. New trees to cut… maybe new materials to build with? Or maybe CONSTRUCTION UPDATE!!! Yes! I am now most definitely excited for the new trees to CONTSTRUCTION UPDATE!!!

CONSTRUCTION UPDATE!!!

New bank interface: Better access to your stuff than ever before

Sorry, I didn’t quite get that. I kind of phased out for a CONSTRUCTION UPDATE!!!

New bank interface. Cool. I’ve already gotten used to the one we currently have. It’s got a tab section we can use to order items, having two of every item helps us keep everything organized, and even if that fails, there’s an item search option. Which means that the only way they can improve on that is automatic sorting via alphabetical order, categories, etc. Which would be CONSTRUCTION UPDATE!!! 

So, that’s the list. One or more of these things is going to happen in the month of June alongside the others. Which will it be? Well, that’s the fun part; we don’t yet know.

Until next time,

CONSTRUCTION UPDATE!!!