It has been about five months since I first hoped to bring you 15 Reasons Not to do a Quest in Runescape. I have had a *ahem* peaceful conversation with my companions and I believe they will now give you the honest truth about Quests.
If you have not read yet or would like a refresher on the previous two Acts, I suggest reading the following:
Now, to continue. Wh1p0wnter, please begin.
Reason Number 11
Wh1p0wnter: Quests stink!
Lolosiagirl2: We already used that for number one and seven, can you be more specific this time?
Wh1p0wnter: More specific? I’ll give you every little detail about why quests are so-
LadyPkhim314: *Clasps hand over Wh1p0wnter’s mouth* This dialogue has been disapproved by the International Internet Committee for the Excellence of Your Well Being to be unfit for anyone around your age bracket.
LordPkher313: For an unedited version, meet me in the wilderness after this interview. I’ll be on world 472.
Wh1p0wnter: And that’s why quests stink.
Reason Number 12
Lolosiagirl2: Because one time when you were out in the Wilderness doing a level 3 clue you saw these two PKers.
PKer 1: Come on now, kill that player over there and get their stuff.
PKer 2: I don’t want to.
PKer 1: Killing other players will make you big and strong like me!
PKer 2: I don’t wanna kill other players. Don’t wanna get big and strong.
PKer 1: Everyone wants to be big and strong!
PKer 2: Not me.
PKer 1: Yes you do.
PKer 2: No I don’t.
PKer 1: Yes, you do!
PKer 2: No, I don’t!
PKer 1: Look, you are going to kill a player eventually so it might as well be them. Look at all that expensive gear they’re wearing.
Lolosiagirl2: At this point you realize you forgot to take your Full Bandos and Armadyl godsword off before trekking into the Wilderness.
PKer 2: Don’t want expensive gear.
PKer 1: But you need it!
PKer 2: Don’t want don’t need!
PKer 1: You need it!
PKer 2: Don’t wanna kill, don’t needa kill, don’t want expensive junk, don’t need expensive junk!
PKer 1: Yes, you do, now kill a player!
PKer 2: No I don’t! *Does Dragon Claw special on PKer 1 and 1 hit KOs him.*
PKer 2: Oh, that was exhilarating. Let’s go find another one.
Lolosiagirl2: At this point you quickly and speedily teleport away faster than you thought was not possible to teleport with the fastest teleport you have ever never used before.
Reason Number 13
LordPkher313: Because, let’s face it, we all know this, you simply cannot do ANYTHING until you have the latest and greatest gear. Like that new sword just released, you can’t even BREATHE until you own it. Because your old one released last week is just, like, SO inferior to this new one. It’s like a blunt bronze dagger compared to this new thing. And really, what if you were to meet someone while doing this little quest and you did NOT have the most latest weapon? They would look at you and think, “Like, OH MY GOSH! That person is a total NOOB! They can not even afford the newest weapons. Wow, talk about lame-O-riffic.”
LordPkher313: You just couldn’t stand that kind of ridicule. And hey, you deserve the latest and greatest thing anyways, right?
Reason Number 14
LadyPkhim314: Though you don’t know why and have absolutely nothing to substantiate your hypothesis, you suspect that you are highly watched by JAGEX and their ultra top secret agent mastermind known as the fearsome B0TWatcher. You suspect that your every move, every action, every experience, every, dare we say it, thought! You suspect they are all being watched by the big BW. You have concocted this ultimatum of extremism-given-reality of an idea that if you were to take any actions not sanctioned by the great BW that you may, in some weird, strange, hypocritically acclaimed form, be banned unjustly. And for some strange, queer, unknowingly bazaar reason you suspect that maybe, just maybe-
Lolosiagirl2: So Call me Maybe!
Wh1p0wnter: Shut up! I hate that girl’s songs.
Sirkilalot15: Hey Maybe.
LadyPkhim314: -just maybe the great BW does not approve of you doing quests. And if you were to do one then as soon as you completed it you would be kicked out of the beloved game you hold to so dearly and when you try to log back in you will be presented with such a horror of a message:
“You have been banned for 8,760 hours. 8,759 hours, 59 minutes, 59 seconds remaining.”
That the world as you know it will begin to crumble and fall around you.
LadyPkhim314: You have absolutely nothing to justify these absurd claims but your gut feeling is so strong that you dare not test the theory.
LordPkher313: That gut feeling could be because you’re hungry.
Wh1p0wnter: Or maybe that extra spicy cheesy bean burrito you had for lunch.
LadyPkhim314: Either way, you feel safer not doing any quests.
Reason Number 15
Jakman01: Well, are you going to say the next one?
SusiePker52: I don’t know it, she does!
Mississie14: No I don’t, she said you said he did!
MrRight73: What, I’m always right and I know I’m right about not knowing 15. Who said I knew 15?
SevenQueen76: Wait, wait, wait, I’ve got it!
OwntNoobs95: Great, good, alright, bravo, righto, now then.
Reason Number 15
51stKill007: The quest might require you to find someone to do it with-
Jadsgirl: No, no, no, no! We already did that one. Doing a repeat would be worse than doing a quest!
51stKill007: Oh? Righto, sorry then, meh bad.
BazookaBoy99: How could we have forgotten number 15?
BazookaGirl1: After all this time, it’s been seven blooming months for MMG’s sake!
Wh1p0wnter: Someone has to have it. We wouldn’t waste all this time just to come here and fail miserably after 14 awesome reasons not to do a quest.
Lolosiagirl2: Wait, why do we need 15?
Lolosiagirl2: What’s so big about 15? 14 is plenty, more then sufficient even. 10 would have been fine, perfectly peachy. Heck, 5 would’ve been better than most, 2 would have convinced them well enough.
LordPkher313: While you are most certainly true, we told them we would have 15 and we can’t just leave it at 14.
LadyPkhim314: Says who?
Sirkilalot15: Says your mod.
LadyPkhim314: What are you saying about my mod…
Jakman01: Alright, we told them 15 and we’ve got to stick with it. Give them 15.
MrRight73: Yea, give it to them!
Jakman01: Show them we won’t back down from a challenge.
Jadsgirl: You bet! No challenge-backer-downers here!
Jakman01: Tell them why there are a full 15 Bloody Reasons.
Wh1p0wnter: 15 BLOODY, oh, bloody, I like blood. Where did I put my Blood runes…
BazookaGirl1: So what?
Sirkilalot15: So what is number 15?
Mississie14: Number 15…is…because…there are these creatures.
OwntNoobs95: Oh creatures?!
Mississie14: And they are really powerful.
SevenQueen76: Really powerful?!
LordPkher313: Really powerful creatures?!
Mississie14: And they…they…
SusiePker52: They what?!
LadyPkhim314: What they?!
Mississie14: They….I lost it.
Lolosiagirl2: Aww rats.
Wh1p0wnter: Aww *****!
Jadsgirl: Well, what are we going to do?
Sirkilalot15: I’ve got it.
Sirkilalot15: Quests require you to do hard things.
Sirkilalot15: Challenging things.
Mississie14: You bet.
Sirkilalot15: And these things, well, you might just find that solving them is fun.
MrRight73: That’s very true.
Sirkilalot15: And you’ll be having fun solving these things.
51stKill007: Hey fun is all good until someone doesn’t get killed, right?
Sirkilalot15: And you may even ask a friend if they want to do the quest together, at the same time.
LadyPkhim314: Oh that sounds like fun.
Sirkilalot15: And together you’ll go through this quest.
LordPkher313: Being with friends is always fun.
Sirkilalot15: And you’ll read this story line while you do it.
Jadsgirl: Some of those story lines are really detailed.
Sirkilalot15: And you’ll be like, “Hey, this is alright.”
BazookaBoy99: Yea, I could see that.
Sirkilalot15: “This was actually fun, I actually learned something.”
SusiePker52: Learning something, interesting idea.
Sirkilalot15: You’ll think about doing the next quest in the chain.
OwntNoobs95: Hmm, I’ve never thought of that.
Sirkilalot15: And then the next one.
BazookaGirl1: Hey, that’s a swell idea.
Sirkilalot15: And you’ll start doing all these quests.
Wh1p0wnter: Sounds challenging. I love a good challenge.
Sirkilalot15: And soon you’ll have them all done.
Lolosiagirl2: Wow, that would be something.
Sirkilalot15: And you’ll be waiting anxiously and expectantly for the next quest that is released. It may just be the one for your now favorite quest line. Either way you’re going to do it because you know it will be fun.
Jakman01: Hey, we did it!
OwntNoobs95: Did what?
Jadsgirl: Made it to 15.
LadyPkhim314: I gotta admit, that was pretty fun.
BazookaBoy99: Kinda like a quest.
SusiePker52: Yea, we just made and completed our very own quest!
MrRight73: Are we good or what?
LordPkher313: Hey, you want to go do Desert Treasure?
OwntNoobs95: I’m going to go do While Guthix Sleeps.
Jakman01: I think there was a new one released not to long ago. The World Wakes? I want to go see what that’s about.
Wow. What a turn around! I have to admit, I was getting really nervous there for a bit. After two failed attempts at showing you why quests are good I was quite a bit discouraged and was, quite frankly, going to be very much embarrassed if they failed on me again.
So, after hearing from these 15 experienced adventurers what are you going to do?
Let the 14 woes they presented scare you off?
Or join in the fun and challenge with them and do a quest?