Welcome back to 15 Reasons Not to do a Quest in Runescape. I apologize again for my colleagues rabbit trailing and I hope they will cooperate this week.

*looks sternly at the 15 players*

Now, OwntNoobs95, would you like to start?

OwntNoobs95: Of course, it’s about time!

Reason Number 6
OwntNoobs95: Because Merchants in Varrock tell us chopping Achey Tree logs on Karamja could affect the price of herbs in Al-Kharid.
Jadsgirl: What? That doesn’t even make sense to me!
OwntNoobs95: Hey! It’s scienceficicly proven!

Merchant: The SoL is up 5 points this week and the COLTRUC is down 15%, this is the perfect time for all budding merchants to buy coal. We estimated a spike in prices by 59.74% by this time next week.
Other Merchant: With the SoL dropping we suggest you start training your Magic as we’re going to see recording breaking lows.
Other other Merchant: MIND blowing actually.
Still other other merchant: Remember, you didn’t hear this from just any BODY, this came straight from the WiiScamMerchants Guild, your Number 2 place for economic stimulus advice for all your digitally pixeled estates.

Lolosiagirl2: How does that affect doing a quest?
OwntNoobs95: Doing a quest could require you to fight something. And you might have to buy supplies.
51stKill007: From the…(drum roll please)
BazookaBoy99: Dumdumdumdum!
BazookaGirl1: Dadadadadadada!
51stKill007: GRAND EXCHANGE!
OwntNoobs95: You would buy your supplies from the Grand Exchange because you don’t know enough friends to be able to buy them from them and your skills are too pathetic to make/gather them yourself.
Sirkilalot15: And you would spend all your money buying the supplies that the quest guide tells you to buy.
LadyPkHim314: Only since you’ve never used the Grand Exchange before you would accidentally buy a million rockfish instead of 5 coal.

Merchant: Woah! Someone just bought a MILLION rockfish!
Other merchant: Who did that? We didn’t say to buy rockfish!
Other other merchant: Mayday! Mayday! The economy is going fin-side up!
Still other other merchant: Bail! Bale! Baal! Everyone unload your goods! The economy is crashing!

Player 1: Oh no! Abyssal whips are crashing, I have to sell my whip now or I won’t be able to recover the money I spent on it to train to 99 attack! And I’m only at 60, how will I ever reach 99 without my whip?
Player 2: Owhp! Bandos is falling I should sell to recover my money!
Player 3: NOOOoOOoooooOOOOO! Not Nests! They are my LIVELY HOOD!
Player 4: Wah? Food is skyrocketing?! How can I PK when food costs 1k each?!
Player 5: I’ll never turn a profit with the economy like this! I have to dump all my flips!

Jakman01: And so the economy over all of Gielinor would be turned upside round and downside sideways because of an imbalance in The Force.
SevenQueen76: You mean the GE.
MrRight73: What’s General Electric got to do with anything?
OwntNoobs95: Just because you were naive and decided to buy your silly supplies for that stupid quest and didn’t take the time to learn how to use the Grand Exchange you bought the WRONG QUANTITY of the WRONG ITEM and messed up the ENTIRE Runescape economy!

BazookaGirl1: The players then beg Lord JAGEX for a bailout.

Player 1: Oh GreatandMightyPowerfulAllKnowing Jagex, please oh please bail us out of this economical downturn!
Player 2: Only your GreatAweinspiringAllknowningJagexness has the ability to save us from this perpetually underlying economically depressingly disasterous event.
Player 3: Please, we beggeth you on our knees!
Player 4: On our fingers!

BazookaBoy99: And so Jagex decides to bail out the economy. They give each player a certain amount of cash depending on the character’s levels, as follows.

0-30 total level, nothing.
31-150 total level, 53 coins.
151-300 total, 107 coins.
301-500 total, 100 coins per level over 400(if you have 399 total or less they take 100 coins per level you are below 400).
501-600, 111 coins per level over 500.
601-888, 227.5 coins per level.
889-999, 555.67 coins per level, -10k for each level 99 you have.
1000-1300, 1k per level.
1301-1500, 2k per level.
1501-1800, 3k per level.
1801-1999, 4k per level.
2000-2100, 5k per level, +10 per skill over 50.
2101-2200, 100k per level, +1k per skill over 40.
2201-2300, 500k per level, +50k per skill over 30.
2301-2400, 1m per level, +100k per skill over 20.
2401-2450, 10m per level, +1m per skill over 10.
2450 and up, 100m per level, +10m per skill over 0, and 1b for each 99.

Mississie14: Good job.
SevenQUeen76: Well done.
MrRight73: Your wanting to do a stupid quest-
Wh1pOwnter: Has caused the meltdown of-
Sirkilalot15: The ENTIRE Runescape ECONOMY!!!11!@22!!@!!!!
OwntNoobs95: Cool story bro.

Reason number 7
51stKill007: Quests Stink!

Reason number 8
Jadsgirl: Because, you’re…you’re too sc-scared. I m-mean…L-like what if you h-have to fight some really sc-scarey m-m-m-monster?! It’d be so traumatic y-you could *gulps* DIE! And if you should die, what would happen then? You’d meet this scary looking guy in a black robe with a scythe. He’d say things to you like, “Jadsgirl, this is your destiny!”. And if you tried to resist, oh forbid it! He’ll pit you against the worstest m-monster of you’re like entire nightmares!

*she gets teleported to a room with the Tztok-Jad and all the players look down at her*

Jadsgirl: You’d have to fight this thing. Ex-except you’re too shy you couldn’t even hold up you’re shield.
*drops shield and sits on the ground pitifully*
Jadsgirl: You’d just sit there, and look dumb.

Mrright73: Stupid even.
Sirkilalot15: Like a whimp.
Wh1pOwnter: A pathetic whimp.
Jakman01: A pathetic whimp that looks dumb and stupid.

Jadsgirl: And you’d get your head bit off, by your monster and your friends.
*Jad chomps her head, she reappears next to the scythe holding guy in a black robe*
Jadsgirl: And then you’d end up next to that creepy guy again.

Jadsgirl: So it’s definitely not worth it. I mean, is there like some law in Runescape that requires you to do a quest? Is there some edict from the might Jagex that says, “If you do not do a quest we will KILL YOU!”? I mean really, if you’re just too scared you shouldn’t have to be put through that. It-it could effect you mentally, or physically, or emotionally-just look at Sirkilalot15!

Sirkilalot15: Hey!

Jadsgirl: How can you be to blame, or be forced to, do a quest when you’re scared, you’re just TOO-

*TzTok-Jad creeps up behind her*

Jadsgirl: -DANG PATHETICALLY-

*Jad starts breathing on her heavily*

Jadsgirl: -WHIMPFULLY, Her stop that! *slaps Jad and he runs off cowering* -TOO…What did I ju? EEk! *runs off to bedroom and hides under bed and spokes head out*

Jadsgirl: Too scared.

Reason number 9
BazookaBoy99: When you were a baby-
Wh1pOwnter: Of which many players still are….
BazookaBoy99: When you were a BABY! Your Doctor told your mother who told your father who told his aunt who told your cousin who told his son’s brother’s girlfriend’s sister’s boyfriend’s step-cousin’s daughter’s aunt-in-law’s best friend’s teacher’s best student from the fifth grade, who is now the CEO of Jagex, that adventure is bad for your heart. Any adventure, even so much as exploring your toy box could upset your tiny little heart and give you a heart attack in your crib. He said you could never grow out of it and to not even try.

Reason number 10
BazookaGirl1: Because when you finish the quest, you’ll get your reward and think you did it pretty good. You’ll go use your reward to makes some money and then you’ll go back to your friends. You’ll walk into the fishing guild where you and your friends always used to hang out before you did this quest and you’ll have this conversation:

Player: Hey all!
Friend 1: Well, he’s back.
Player: Yep, I’m back.
Friend 2: We can see that.
Player: Lo-
Friend 3: I thought you said it would only take an hour?
Player: It took a little longer than I thought.
Friend 1: Let me guess, you had to go to Karamja?
Player: Yea.
Friend 2: You know Karamja is dangerous.
Player: I had to go for the quest.
Friend 3: Would you have gone if I was there?
Player: Wel-
Friend 3: NoooOOOooo, you never do. Humphs.
Player: But I-
Friend 1: Did you enjoy the quest?
Player: Yea, actually. Did you miss me?
Friend 2: Yes.
Player: Yes? How much?
Friend 1: We missed you, some.
Player: You missed me, some?
Friend 3: Yea, we missed you SOME! *turns back around to sulk*
Player: And?
Friend 1: And what?
Player: I know what you’re going to say.
Friend 2: Say what?
Player: Every time I do a quest you guys say something about it when I come back. So what are you going to say.
Friend 1: Nothing. We missed you some and you’re back.
Player: And? Is there anything about what I got from the quest?
Friend 2: No. I imagine you had fun helping some stupid person find some stupid thing.
Player: There’s something else.
Friend 3: No, there’s nothing else We missed you a little, unlike you. And you had fun on your quest. There’s nothing else for us to say except for one little thing.
Player: Hah! I knew it
Friend 1: What? We’re your friends, we should have some concerns about you after you come from a dangerous quest.
Player: Well what is it?
Friend 2: You’re changed.
Player: Of course I am, but I always change a little when I do a quest.
Friend 3: But this time you changed a lot.
Player: Did not.
Friend 1: Did too.
Player: Did not.
Friend 2: Did too.
Player did not.
Friend 3: Did too and you know it!
Player: Fine, I changed.
Friend 1: You changed.
Player: I changed a lot.
Friend 2: You certainly did.
Player: And why is that so bad?
Friend 3: Because now you think we’re unworthy of talking to you.
Player: What? Why?
Friend 1: I don’t know, you tell me since you know everything.
Player: But I don’t.
Friend 2: See, he doesn’t event want to talk to us anymore.
Friend 3: Now that that quest has made him all rich and famous. I bet he’s even friends with the king now.
Player: But I-
Friend 1: Don’t ‘but’ us. We know when we’re not wanted. We’ll just leave you here to glory in your new found wealth and new royal friends and we’ll go crawl to some other fishing gild and find new friends.
Friend 2: Friends that don’t snap at us.
Friend 3: Friends that don’t judge us.
Friend 1: Friends that treat us as equals, not as slaves.
Player: But I-But I….
Friend 1, 2, and, 3: ‘But’ you nothing. Good bye, King-turns-his-back-on-his-friends.

BazookaBoy99: And so you will stand there on the dock. Alone. As you watch the only friends you ever had walk out on you.
BazookaGirl1: It’s not worth losing friends like that over a quest.

———–

I apologize most heartily for my companions. I will begin torture immediately to make them tell you the truely good things about quests next time.