Halloween, from the eyes of one who Reaps Grimly

posted by on 17th November 2008, at 7:52pm

Happy Halloween!

What’s that? It’s too late? Halloween is past? Well, you’re correct. Halloween happened 17 days ago on October 31st.

Since I was going to be Trick-or-Treating all day long, I asked Skyrate to find someone to interview about Halloween. Rather then asking a ‘normal’ person (Like I would do) he went and found the ‘Father of Halloween’ (Which is something only he and a few others would dare to do)!

Yep, he found the Grim Reaper and was even able to interview him (I don’t think he even had to ‘negotiate’ first)!

So, without further adue(adeu, ah-de-you, ahh!-deh-you?, oh whatever) I present you with…

Halloween from the eyes of one who Reaps Grimly By your friendly, neighborhood, Man in Black

He asked me to do another article for him, which however so annoying as it is, I agreed to do (Halloween is one of the times of year when scammers are low, this is due to them Trick-or-Treating, so I have some time off).

An Interview. “Who should I interview?” I thought to myself at first. You see, not many people want to be interviewed around this time of year because they say they’re ‘too busy’ collecting candy (If you want it, then go buy it! Lazy people).

“But the children can’t buy there own candy!”

Ahh, yes. You’re right, for the most part. Most children don’t have enough money to buy candy in today’s economy. However I was referring to the lazy teens and supposedly ‘grown-up’ people who go around with a sheet over them with two holes that look like a dog chewed on it. It’s those people who need to go get a job (and a life would probably be good too). I know there are some honest grown-up children who love to gather free candy too, and these are also fine because they usually have a more complex costume.

But anyways, that’s enough about how I detest some…lifeforms.

Now, who’s the most popular person around this time of the year?

No, it’s not Leoric the Skeleton King.

Nope, not the Great Pumpkin either, Charlie Brown.

A witch? Well you see there’s one problem with that statement, which witch is which? You see, you say that witch is the most popular when someone else says that witch is. Polls cannot be run about who the most popular witch is because you can never tell which witch is which, and that can cause the results to go every which-way.

Let’s see, any other suggestions on the most popular?

Death? Well, Death isn’t exactly a person. You see, ‘death’ is the action when something is dead and inanimate.

HOWEVER! There is someone who is thought to control the powers of death.

The Grim Reaper

You won’t believe where I found him.

That’s what he asked me when I found him, he was walking around the Lumbridge church.

“So what are you doing in Lumbridge?” He asked.

“Looking for you, actually.”

“Oh really? What quest brings you in search of The Great, The Mighty, The All-Powerful, The Invincible, The Invulnerable, The Undefeatable, The Immortal, Bringer of Death?”

“Seriously, you don’t have too waste a whole line giving off your fake titles to me, we both know they aren’t real.”

Frowning, he replied with, “Your right, but atleast the people don’t know they’re fake, and you won’t tell them either!”

I stared at him.


I continued.


Still staring.

“…please? Pwetty please with a skull on top?”

“You’re disgusting. Of course I won’t tell.”

“Good. So why did you want me?”

“A friend of mine works for a newspaper.”

“Really? Cool-bones. Which ones?”

“The RSBANDBInformer!, you’ve heard of it, right?”

“Yea, read every issue.”

“You mean-nevermind. He wanted me to interview someone for Halloween. He’s busy Trick-or-Treating, so he couldn’t write the article.”

“Ahh, and you chose me because of my awesemity?”

“That’s not even a word.”

“Artix thinks so.”


“So, what’s your first question?”

“What are you doing here in Lumbridge? You should be in Rimmington, Port Sarim, and Draynor scaring everybody out of their minds.”

“That was actually quite boring last year. Just sitting on my fake throne in my cardboard house with a garden of silly-string spider webs got old real fast. Even killing people when they had done all of my pre-assigned tasks wasn’t fun. Well, it was, but only at first.”

“So why’d you do it?”

“Jagex kind of …forced me to. I really wanted to go around sneaking up on people and scaring them out of their skin.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“You’ve already said that.”

“I know. So why aren’t you scaring people this year?”

“I just didn’t feel like it, I wanted a vacation.”

“A vacation to Lumbridge? That’s not a popular vacation spot.”

“I didn’t have enough money for a cruise to the Amahabs.”

“After all that work last year you didn’t have enough? What did you spend it on?”

“I never said Jagex paid me to work.” He said looking down where his feet should’ve been.

We started to walk towards Draynor. On our way, we talked about the season.

“I really do love this time of year,” He said, “all the colors on the trees, the reds, the oranges, the yellows, the browns, it’s beautiful!”

“It’s much better than that annoying green we have all the rest of the year.”

What? Gielinor is always green you say? Yes, I know, that’s why I said that. Hmm? You think it’s always green? Well you’re wrong. There are little pixies (not fairies, pixies) who change the color of the leaves to being what they really are. However Jagex has tried to stop them by making the trees always look green to mortals. Now, back to my interview…

“Everyone has always thought you liked Halloween the most, they’ve never thought of you as the kind of person who’d like colors.”

With a sigh, he said, “I know, it’s a shame. Just because I am the guardian of death everyone thinks I’m heartless. And though that’s technically true (spirits do not have hearts you know).”

“(Yes, I know).”

“We can still love things. I just so happen to love the fall foliage and colors. The pumpkin spice pie and eggnog are pure yumminess too.”

“That is barely a word, though most don’t know it.”

“We know it, and that’s what matters. Anyways, I don’t mind all the ‘spooky’ carved pumpkins and costumes and decorations, but I like the season itself.”

We had reached Draynor by now, and since he had mentioned that he was getting chilly, he went to Diango to get his red and white Christmas scarf and hat.

After inadvertently scaring a few people to death(literally), we continued on our way to Port Sarim.

“I didn’t see you that Christmas, when did you get those?”

“I missed that one, I don’t remember why. I think it had to do with a Monkey’s wrench and a leaky pipe in the ocean floor near Ape Atoll.”

“Were you the one who stopped the ocean from draining out into the sky?”


“Someone told me I might be needed, but I guess you got it.”

“Yea, Santa had to help me, but we got it.”

“Good, we didn’t need the Ocean running dry.”

Upon entering the Port Sarim bar, the Grim Reaper was approached by one of the resident tavern drunks.

“Aww-hic-swsh-ic, yosh gotted an-hic awfulshly nish cushtume-hic. Heres, havshs this’s canshdy, buddyshy.”

The drunk handed the Grim Reaper a Wrapped Candy…which looked like it had been unwrapped and had a bite taken out of it. It smelled horribly of rum only acquirable from an eastern island.

“Uhh, thanks.” he said as we walked out.

“I guess it’s the…thought that counts?” He said as he threw it over the rail and out to sea.

“Err, don’t you mean thoughtlessness?”


As we walked to Maggie, I asked him about the history behind his garb.

“It’s Zamorak’s fault.”

“Really? Most people think you were born the spirit of death or died and were resurrected as the Grim Reaper.”

“I know. Those stories are false. Zamorak cursed me after I died.”

“Tell me.”

You see, I was once mortal, like the humans. The only difference I had from normal humans was my love of plants and the seasons Spring and Fall. I spent countless hours studying the growth of seeds to plants in the Spring and countless days studying the change of plant’s colors in the Fall.

Most of the information we know about growing plants and their changing colors in the Fall came from my research. Unfortunately, not everyone liked what I was doing. There was one man (‘man’ barely fits him, though he was an adult male) who was doing the same exact research as I was, only he was trying ‘faster’ research methods. My studies were much more accurate than his and this made him very angry.

One brisk Fall morning after I had eaten a breakfast of bacon, toast, eggs, and pumpkin pie, I went out to my Study-garden to continue with my research. I was on the brink of discovery and probably would’ve found the answer that very hour if it had not been for what I saw.

My whole Study-garden was trashed. Not only were plants broken and dug up, but the whole place had been charred. I turned around to check on my personal vegetable garden and saw a hideous skeleton standing in front of me. It stabbed me in the chest a moment after I looked into its eye sockets.

I died instantly.

I later found out that my opponent had turned Necromancer when he knew how close I was. He then commanded one of his devilish skeletons to kill me.

Since I was now dead and did not follow Saradomin or Guthix, Zamorak was able to curse me into this form.

I was now invulnerable to my opponent’s minions and any attacks he might try on me, so I attacked him and killed him.

“I found out that he had a son. But I was not angry with his son, for it wasn’t his fault his father was evil.”

“Each should pay for his own wrong.”

“Yes. Last year I found his great heir (many generations are between the two, so I shall only say ‘great).”

“Who’s that?”

“Malignus Mortifier.”

He said as we stopped and looked at the Necromancer who was try to turn mushrooms into undead.

“He will never learn the true secrets of the undead arts.” The Grim Reaper said as we walked to Maggie who wasn’t far now.

As we entered Maggie’s camp, he asked, “You purposely brought me here, didn’t you?”

I grinned.

“To get me back into the season, didn’t you?”

“We can’t have the world’s scariest phantom going around blue.”

“Thanks. I guess it’s time to go Trick-or-Treating.”

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

The views and opinions of Skyrate are solely his, I, Jason, take no responsibility for them. If you find that you’ve been insulted by something he said then I suggest you talk to him.

…On the other hand, I suggest you just forget about it. He doesn’t like killing innocent people.

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