Ali M has decided he wants to start a news paper, so he asked me to publish his first issue here to see if anyone would read it. Unfortunately he could not come up with any good names, so he just calls it ‘News Paper’.

Here’s the ‘News Paper’, by Ali M and company.
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Front:

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KBD Takes Vacation!
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Last week we got reports that the KBD, yes the King Black Dragon, had taken a vacation. One of our reporters has the story…

“Me and my clan were coming to kill the KBD for our bi-weekly dragon hunting event,” said well known Dragon fighting enthusiast Dragns Hurt, “and when we pulled the lever to go to the KBD’s lair there was nothing there.”

“Nothing?” Our reporter asked him.

“Yep, there was nothing there. Come to think of it, none of my clan mates were there either, even though we all pulled the lever at the same time.” Dragns Hurt explained, somewhat confused himself.

It has been confirmed that the KBD is out of his cave, reports of him flying above Kandarin have been found to be true.

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Large UFO spotted above Oo’glog
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Late last week there were reports of an Unidentified Flying Object flying above Oo’glog. Reporter Ihopeitsnothim has the story.

“At first we thought it was a large cat,” Visitor Pkr2153 said, “but then we remembered cats can’t fly.”

After a long talk with one of Oo’glog’s most frequent visitors we figured out what we think this UFO really is.

“Ahh yes, so you want to know what that U-F-O is up there?” The Wise Old Man asked our reporter.

“It is most definitely a-” The Wise Old Man said, building suspense with the large crowd who had gathered around him, “it is a….Herb!”

“A herb?” someone in the crowd asked The Wise Old Man.

“Yes, it is most definitely a herb, of what type I do not know yet (that is why it is still unidentified).”

“How can you tell it’s a herb but yet you can’t tell what type it is?” Another Person in the crowd asked.

“Ahh, you silly people, you can tell by the way it flaps it’s wings.” The umm “Wise” Old Man replied confidently.

We’re still not sure whether this UFO is really an herb or not. Questions about the Wise Old Man’s wisdom have arisen.

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Skeleton doesn’t die after being hit for 5,000 damage
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A rather disturbing event occurred in the Edgeville dungeon last Weekend. One of the level 21 skeletons survived after being hit for over five thousand points of damage. Our reporter I h8 Undead went to investigate the story.

“I went down here to try out my new Dharok’s armor on skeletons.” Said Str Ownz.

“The reason I chose skeletons,” He explains, “is because with my enchanted salve amulet I can do a lot more damage to them then I can any other monster. After dropping a few bottles of Nitroglycerin to reduce my hit points I started to fight.”

“The first few went down quickly, only having around 25 hitpoints each.”

“Why did you fight 25 hitpoint skeletons instead of 90 hitpoint skeletons if you wanted to see what your maximum hit was?” Our reported asked.

“Because the 25 hitpoint ones can’t hit me.” Str Ownz replied.

“Anyways,” He started again, “I was amazed when one of the skeletons kept standing after I had hit it for over 100 points of damage. I continued to hit it, almost always doing over 20 points of damage each time, but it just stayed up.”

For some odd reason, the skeleton finally fell down dead after a girl in monk’s robes with a Saradomin book and holy symbol passed by. We do not know if it died because it finally ran out of hitpoints or because of the holy aura emanating from the girl. Investigations are still going on.

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The Advertisements column
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Gertrude of Varrock is looking for someone to find her cat ‘Fluffs’ who has been missing for a few weeks. If interested please visit Gertrude to the west of Varrock.

‘My Arm’ is offering a 200 gout weed reward to anyone who can teach him how to grow goats from a farming patch. If you are an experienced Farmer who has dealt with Arm-chewing trolls before, please visit ‘My Arm’ in the Troll Stronghold.

The Makeover Mage is looking for someone to test his/her new Human-to-Goblin spell on. Please visit Him/Her if you’re willing to lose your human body for a few minutes permanently. The Make over mage has requested only humans to come, please no goblins.

A traveling priest is needed on Miscellania, the reward is a poem or a Golden arrow. Please visit Prince Brand or Princess Astrid on Miscellania for details.

Experienced Chef seeks inexperienced cooking novice to help cook a cake for the Duke of Lumbridge. If you are an inexperienced novice chef please visit the chef in Lumbridge castle.

The ‘News Paper’ is looking for reporters, see back for details.

Advertising space for sale or rent or lending, see back for details.

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It was not a herb
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It seems that the Wise Old Man is not nearly as Wise as we had all hoped and been led to believe. The Unidentified Flying Object was actually the King Black Dragon.

The KBD stopped by Oo’glog to have a Chocolate Saturday with Balnea while taking a dip in the Sulfur Spring. He also had a SGG (Short Green Guy) with Chief Tess, which they both enjoyed.

At first everyone thought this was really a gnome, for it looked much like one, but after a few minutes everyone could see that it was just a roasted chompy bird colored green.

We still do not know how this chompy meat was mistaken as a gnome.

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He’s back
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After a 7 day vacation the King Black Dragon has returned to his cozy little cave in the wilderness. Our reporter Donteatmeplz has the story.

…

Unfortunately it appears the story has him. It seems that the KBD does not want any visitors right now and will viciously attack, maul, and even kill anyone who enters his cave.

Dragon hunting Enthusiasts are advised to wait awhile before hunting the King Black Dragon again.

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Back:

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Requirements to be a ‘Reporter’ for the ‘News Paper’:
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Must have a weird name.
Must be no lower then level 3 and no higher then level 2.
Must be able to right write correctly and not make any speeling mistakes.
Must be willing to talk with anyone, including but not limited to the following: Dragons, the Chaos Elemental, Undead Spirits, Ghosts, Crazy people, and People trying to take over the world.
Must be willing to go anywhere, including but not limited to the following: The Wilderness, Morytania, and the Desert.

Please visit Ali M in Al Kharid to apply.

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Advertising space for sale or lease or lending
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See front for details.

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