A Post with Postie

posted by on 2nd June 2008, at 8:19pm

As some of you may know, last week I tried to interview a few people (one of which was the Jad, I highly suggest you come prepared – and with a heat resistant pencil and paper!) but wasn’t able to because it was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I’ve been planning this interview since then, and hopefully it will work. Actually, I don’t have to hope for it has already worked (obviously, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this).

One of the first things I thought about when I started preparing for this was, “However am I going to catch Pete? He moves around all of RuneScape and never stays in one spot for long.”, quite a good question. For awhile I was stumped, I kept thinking of different ways to catch him.

If I actually caught him in a trap, he would either get out or call the RSSS (RuneScape Secret Service, they are everywhere!) which would not be good.
I couldn’t just get him to stop and talk, he’s too busy to talk to someone like me. He doesn’t need any publicity (he’s one of the most popular creatures in RuneScape).
I could try to follow him, only problem is that he teleports faster then I do – by the time I teleported he could be gone.
I could send a letter to someone so that he would have to visit me to give me a response. But that would take too long since school is out for the Summer and everyone is messaging everyone. The RSPS (Postie Pete) can’t handle all those letters quickly by himself, though he does try.
I finally decided to…

“You want me to do WHAT?”

“I would like you to get an interview with Postie Pete, the guy who runs the RSPS.” I said

‘It’ is a talking skull which pulls a mailbag around with its mouth.” Skyrate said

“How do you expect me to find him?” He asked

“Well, you know you have special ‘ways’ of doing things. I was hoping you could…” I said as I smiled

He just grinned.

“Alright, do you know where he is?” Skyrate asked.

“No idea.”

“Terrific…” He said as he walked off. I knew he wasn’t angry, it was hard to anger him, and that was extremely good (For you do not want to see him when he’s angry).

The following is the interview with Postie Pete, unfortunately Skyrate had to interview him since he was the only one who could find (and follow) him. Because of this, it is told from Skyrate’s perspective.

“Anything else you would like to say in reply to this letter, Mr. KBD?” Postie Pete asked the King Black Dragon (Actually, to be more accurate, he asked King).

Who is ‘King’ you ask? King is the Red Eyed head of the KBD, Black is the Green, and Dragon is the Blue. Since each head has its own personality, they each have a different name. These three names are the common names. They have Draconic names, but you cannot pronounce them so I will not say them.

“Not really, though in ending it I’d like to warn all adventurers that are thinking of killing me to th-Graarrgh!”

“Oh my, Mr. KBD? Are you alright?” Postie Pete asked as the King Black Dragon’s body slumped to the ground.

“He’s dead, but I thought he had turned off all the levers during this interview. How could anyone have gotten in?” Pete asked as if to himself.

“Certain people don’t need doors or levers.” A voice said coming from behind the body of the KBD.

“Your voice sounds familiar,” Pete said “but I can’t see your face.”

The voice appeared. It was, of course, me, Skyrate.

“Oh, it’s only you.” Pete said with a sigh (Don’t ask me how skulls sigh).

“A friend of mine would like to interview you, the only problem is that he doesn’t think he could find you, or keep up with you. So he’s asked me to interview you.” I said.

“Well, he’s probably correct, I’m very busy. I was just helping Mr. KBD reply to a letter when you…joined us.” Pete said.

“You’ll be able to help him when he re-spawns in 5 minutes.” I said.

Pete and I looked at each other.

“That is something I have never been able to figure out,” Pete said “why does every creature in RuneScape re-spawn – except ME?”

“Excuse me? You mean you were once living?” I asked.

“Of course, weren’t we all?” He replied.

“Yes, except for the undead strewn across RuneScape I suppose.”

“Oh, even they were once living. Do you think your friend would like to hear how I became…this?”

“Yes, but I don’t think we have enough time for you to tell me all of it.”

“Hmm, alright then. I’ll tell you the short version.”

Originally I was a Mailman, much like I am today. Only, I had to walk instead of teleport, like I do now. I would bring letters from Varrock to Ardougne, and even an occasional few to the gnomes of the West. Nobody ever wrote to the creatures of the wilderness then, for it was much too dangerous (Both to write to them, and to deliver to them). The farthest North I ever had to go was Edgeville, or sometimes the Monks at the Monastery.

Back then hardly any of RuneScape had been explored. We had only just discovered the queer town of Canifis. A surprising amount of people seemed to Lycan it. Lumbridge was pretty much the same as it is now. Except people new more before they left Tutorial island, so there were no tutors. There were very few dungeons, and none of the West beyond the Gnomes was explored. The Dwarves had not gone so open about their magnificent city of Keldagrim either.

Oh yes, one more thing. Bob, the Jagex cat, had not yet met Neite. This is because hardly any of the desert beyond Al Kharid was explored.

But now, to my ‘accident’.

I was not ‘undeadified’ by Malignus Mortifier, as some people think, though it was a mage that did this too me.

I was delivering a message to Melzar, that madman who lives in his maze. The message was from someone who had just finished the Dragon Slayer quest. They had also just achieved level 99 cooking, very impressive at the time. The sender had sent along some fine gnome delicacies which they had baked to make level 99 cooking.

When I was about to give Melzar the letter and food he heard me wrong…

‘Hello, Melzar, I’ve got a letter here for you and a snack from the gnome lands.’

‘A letter about an attack from the gnome Lands?!’ He said quite infuriously.

‘No, I said a snack, not an attack.’

‘What? Now it’s a sneaky attack? Well, we’ll show them!’

‘By the power of custard and all that is creamy, you shall be creamed!’

Lucky for him (and unlucky for me) his spell actually worked correctly this time. The next thing I know, I don’t.

“What do you mean by ‘…the next thing I know, I don’t.‘?” I asked.

“I mean that I knew I didn’t know. I knew what was going to happen to me, right before it did. I knew I was going to die, and my remains most likely be sent to King Narnode Shalarehine (Shareen’s ancestor).” Pete explained.

“Now, back to my story…”

I knew (right before his spell hit me) that I was going to die. What I didn’t know was that he accidentally cast the wrong teleport spell on my body. He meant to cast Fire Fly (a spell which would make my body fly to the gnomes quite rapidly), but instead he cast Fairy Fly (a spell which would make my body fly to the Fairys).

All he ever knew was that my body flew out one of his windows (the one’s in his basement, he’s insane alright) and that the gnomes never did their sneaky attack on him (which wasn’t even real).

How my body got into Zanaris I’ll never know (well I may, you hear some pretty odd, and interesting, things when in this business), but somehow it did. It landed right infront of the Fairy Queen herself. I won’t tell you everything about that part, for it is very long and most of your readers probably would not understand it.

After the Fairy Queen touched me with her wand I woke up (Fairy Nuff had not yet graduated from Fairly Universal college yet).

‘Where am I? This looks like Zanaris.’ I said after I had awoken.

‘Maybe that’s because it is…’ said Fairy Ann Oying.

‘Don’t be so rude, Fairy Ann Oying, he is a rare guest to Zanaris.’ The Fairy Queen said.

‘I expect so, for I have not found the Lost City yet.’ I said.

‘Indeed, it appears it has found you.’ The Fairy Queen said.

‘Wait a minute, I’m dead, or rather, supposed to be. Why aren’t I?’

‘Look in the mirror, you are dead, dead right about being dead.’ Fairy Ann Oying said as she cast a spell which created a mirror.


‘Calm down.’ Said the Fairy Queen


‘Please be quiet.’ She asked again.

‘I’m uhhh, uhh-‘

‘You’re a skeleton, I guess you could say you’re just a skeleton of your former self.’ Fairy Ann Oying said with a giggle.

‘Fairy Ann Oying, please leave. Go take your daily chocolate baking lesson with Fairy Dairy.’ The Fairy Queen said.

‘Oh, alright.’ She said as she flew off.

‘Now, about your undeadness. I’m afraid there was no other way to resurrect you. You see, my magic is made for resurrecting plants and fairys, not humans.’

‘I suppose it might not be too bad, but what will people think of an undead Mailman delivering there mail?’ I asked as I tried to scratch my head.

Then I realized something…

‘MY HANDS! MY BODY! Where are they?!’

‘Well, it appears Melzar’s Creamery spell did quite a bit of damage to your other body pots, so I could not re-use them. Unfortunately your head is all that’s left.’

How did she know Melzar did this to me? It’s complicated.

‘How can I deliver mail like this? I’m just a talking voice box.’

‘Well, I could cast a Fly spell on you, then you could fly anywhere. I could also imbue you with unlimited Teleport spells. As for your mail bag, try holding it in your mouth.’

My mailbag was not flown with me to Zanaris. It had been left in Melzar’s maze, at least it was nearly empty.

After the Fairy Queen had cast a Fly and Teleport spell on me she told me to go to Fairy Sew M Up. When I got to Fairy Sew M Up she gave me a bag, which looked much like my old mailbag.

‘Except it can hold an unlimited amount of letters and other parcels. There are two compartments, outgoing and incoming mail. Any Letters mailed throughout RuneScape will be teleported into the incoming mail. Any letters you put into the outgoing mail can either be auto delivered, or delivered by yourself if you want.’ Fairy Sew M Up explained.

Being dead seems better then being alive, except for one thing: I’m heartless.

“That was short alright (Sarcasm). What was that, a thousand words?” I asked.

“1,032 actually.” Pete replied.

“Well, it doesn’t seem like we have enough time for more questions (Unless I kill the KBD again). My friend did want a short biography, but I think he meant 255 words or less.”

“Well, I’d really rather you not kill the people I deliver my mail to, it makes my job harder. Especially when they think I’m going to a-snack them.” *Wink*

How did he wink? I won’t even ask.

“Well, maybe you could setup an appointment with my friend? That way I don’t have to kill your client again.”

“Yes, that would be good. I have an appointment on the Fire-first of Rune, will that do?”

I’ll let Jason explain to you about Days, Months, and Years in RuneScape, it is very confusing.

That’s all for this interview. Jason has an appointment on the Fire-first of Rune (Don’t ask) with Postie Pete, so you should be hearing from Pete again soon.

Adios, Happy Dragon Hunting *Wink*

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