Interviews are not as easy as they look

You’d be surprised at how hard it is to interview someone, after you figure out who they are that is.

One day, when I was talking with my good friend Skyrate, we got talking about the RSBandB Informer. I told him how I didn’t have an article to write. He thought that quite odd since I usually write “The Skillz”.

“No, I can’t write one of those,” I said “because I write those monthly, not weekly.”

“Hmm,” He said “what about an interview?”

An interview? I hadn’t thought of that.

“But who would I interview?” I asked “Could I-”

“You know I wouldn’t allow that.” He said.

How did he know I was going to ask to interview him? It must’ve been that RSSSS of his (RuneScape Secret Service Sense).

“Then who?” I asked.

“How about the TzTok-Jad?” He suggested.

“I couldn’t interview him after I had killed him, and I couldn’t interview him before or while I was killing him.” I said.

“Mightn’t he want to be interviewed because of the huge Publicity?”

Publicity! Tzhaar like to be in the spotlight. Why didn’t I think of this?

“That’s a great idea. Cya later.” I said as I got up and teleported to Karamja.

I went to the Karamja volcano, slid down the rope, entered the cave of the Tzhaar, and then went to TzHaar-Mej-Jal and asked to go into the Fight cave.

“JalYt will die fast in cave with no armor, go get weapons and armor.” He said (this is, of course, a translated version of what he said).

“But I’m only going in to interview the TzTok-Jad. I don’t need any armor.” I replied

“JalYt may go in, but will die.” He said as he opened the gate (Yes, there is a gate to that cave, though it’s invisible).

So I went in. Only problem is that I forgot that the other monsters in the cave would want to kill me. So what did I do?

I negotiated.

“Whoa, wait guys.”

“Hmmpht-Grrntd” are the sounds they made.

“If you let me live this time, I’ll interview you next month.”

Their eyes lit up like red hot obsidian (which is exactly what they are, so that kind of explains it).

They all backed off and let me stay in the arena for that round, unharmed.

Unfortunately, I had to do this for every round (and considering there are like 63 rounds… Yea, this took awhile).

When it was finally time to get to the TzTok-Jad I took out my pencil and notepad only to find…

…That they’d been charred by the intense heat. The Pencil crumbled to dust as soon as I took it out of my pocket, and the notepad was blackened paper which fell apart in my hands.

“Well this is ju-OWWWW!”

Oh dear, you are dead!

“…”

While I was worrying about my pencil and notepad I had forgotten to put my protect from Magic on and the TzTok-Jad fired at me.

He hit fairly good, as you have heard. 72 and then 64 (and I only have 93 HP, talk about over-kill).

Oh well, so much for the interview with the TzTok-Jad.

Hmm, interview Guthix? Nah, he’s still sleeping. Zamorak? No, he’d Flame me. Saradomin? He’s too busy helping his followers win Castle Wars. Zaros? No, he’s still locked up. Armadyl? No way for me to get up there. Bandos? His orcs are so rude and rough, they wouldn’t allow me in his chamber (Bandos’ loss, this will be big publicity for whoever gets interviewed).

I know! Zezima!

But wait, nobody cares about him anymore, now that he is no longer rank 1 (in anything).

Yogosun? It’d be too hard to contact him.

Hmm…Maybe the Wise Old Man? Nah, he’s not really that wise, nor a very good conversationalist to the ‘common’ person.

How about the Mysterious Old Man? I could get a rather Mysterious interview from him.

“Greetings, Jason, here have a present!”

“Wait, I want to inter…view you.” Sigh, He just popped up and gave me a mysterious box, now he’s out of the question.

Hmm…Party Pete? He’d certainly be interesting. I could ask him about his new ‘doo’. Alrighty then, I’ll do that.

“15M Drop Party in 5 Minutes!” The Bankers yelled as I walked into Lumbridge’s bank.

Perfect!

“What’s this about a party in the Party Room?” I asked the Banker

“Party Pete is hosting a 15 million Gold piece drop party! Would you like me to teleport you there for free?”

“Sure.” I said.

Loading…Please wait…

I’ve often wondered why we always think those words when teleporting or moving from town to town.

WOAH! There’s gotta be atleast 10,000 people in this room! Wait a minute, you can only have 2,000 on each server. Wait two minutes, Server? What’s a server? This is RuneScape! There is no electricity, no automobiles, and especially no servers!

Ok, now that I’ve waited 2 minutes there are only 3 minutes left until the drop party. All I have to do is find Pete and tell him I want to speak to him after the party. Only one problem…

Where is he? I see about 10 Red Party hats! 5 of which are on black-haired heads.

Wait a minute! Oo, don’t wait a minute. Every time I do that I lose a minute.

Wait a second! I see him over there speaking to SomeGuy (yes, that is really his name).

“Excuse me. Pardon me. May I get by please?” I said in the most politest manner I could when in such a hurry.

“Tsay out-a meh wai nuub!” Said some jerk named Fredzeroni9 as he pushed me into a guy in full Dharok’s armor.

“U wan somthin nob?” The guy in Dharok said. I wasn’t able to get his name before he knocked me unconscious.

…2 hours later…

“Sir, hello? Are you alright?” A sweet voice said as I opened my eyes and was picked up and placed on my feet.

When I looked around I saw that the voice belonged to a lady in white Elegant, who was wearing a white Beret and had a white flower behind her left ear, the rest of her garb was also white.

“Hello, I’m LadyLucy19.” She said “and this is my boyfriend SirTom10.”

“Hello” I said, regaining myself after looking at the guy.

He was atleast 8 feet tall and wore specialized Dragon armor. The body armor was not a Dragon chain, it looked like a Dragon Chain with Plates added to it. This guy was obviously his own smith, and a very good one at that.

“I’m Jason.”

“You really should come here with a friend, it’s very dangerous alone.” LadyLucy19 said.

Yea, I had noticed. With a friend like she had, she could go anywhere she wanted.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but do you know where Party Pete has gone?” I asked.

“Oh yes, he’s at his player owned house – celebrating his new makeover with his friends.” She replied.

Well there is no point in me going there, I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to interview him.

“Thanks for your help.” I said as I started walking away.

“Friends?” She asked.

“Sure.” I replied.

Changes will take affect on your friends list in 60 seconds.

Again, one of those weird messages. Why do we hear them?

When I reached Falador’s eastern bank I looked at the clock and it said it was 7 Runes past Death Soul. Scary, huh? That means it is 11:07 PM. Clocks in RuneScape run differently, both from themselves and the real world. A clock in Lumbridge will read a different time then a clock in Isafdar. Why? Don’t look at me.

No matter what it reads, it’s easy to translate it to real time.
The Runes Air, Mind, Water, Earth, Fire, Cosmic, Chaos, Astral, Nature, Law, Death, and Blood indicate the numbers 1-12 (In that order). The Runes Body and Soul indicate the AM and PM (In that order). However, there are not 60 runes in an hour, there are 70.

Now, where was I? Oh yes…

11 PM! It’s too late for me to interview anyone tonight and the deadline is tomorrow! I am so dead (No pun intended).

So folks, that is why interviews are hard to make. And that is also why I have never done an interview before. If you plan on doing one anytime soon I suggest planning ahead of time and making an appointment with your interviewee.

I’m going to start planning for an interview with Postie Pete right now, so that I’ll hopefully be able to bring it to you next time.