Welcome to Rants

posted by on 1st September 2006, at 12:47am

As resident ranter, it is my glorified job to highlight the stupidity in today’s society and most of all in our fellow Runescapians. Today we look at someone who decided it would be nice to make a nice long list of things Jagex could do to improve the game. He claims it’s not spam and could be a “useful discussion”, I beg to differ.

“This is my rant of stuff I hate.

Before I begin, I must state this is not spam, as it could be a useful discussion, and has a point.

Really? I really want to see him prove it.

Well, these things are all wrong. Why do you get 3 logs from one tree? Why don’t they look more vibrant and realistic? And why can’t all trees come to life and try kill you like ents and spirits? I bet they are really sad just sat there. Trees have feelings too!

He seems to be overlooking one very valuable fact about GAMES, they aren’t real. If the trees gave as many logs as they did in real life people would be chopping for hours, not to mention they would run out of inventory space. Spirits and Ent’s are random events, designed to add a spontaneous element to the game and also to prevent the use of scripts and bots, they aren’t there to look pretty. If everything was an Ent or a Spirit, how do you suppose you’re going to chop it for wood? Also, trees don’t have feelings as they lack a central nervous system and cannot feel. Idiot.

P hats.
They need stats!!! A piece of paper on your head would easily stop a massive axe!!! Where the “party” factor? Every hat should come with a pre-build party room. It pops up when you wear it.

“A piece of paper on your head would easily stop a massive axe!!!”…wait, WHAT? I wonder if he has actually tested that theory, I really wish he would try it out. No, a piece of paper cannot stop a massive axe, in fact, it really can’t stop much at all in terms of physical force. Every hat should come with a pre-built party room? What for exactly? Party Hats are rare items, the glory of owning one is that you managed to get the enormous amount of money to pay for one, that’s a party on its own. Sorry, that’s just a stupid idea.

Dragon bones.
These need a major revamp. All bones look the same at the moment. And I’m pretty sure Dragons do not have the same bones as a Human XD

I don’t think he would have ever seen dragon bones, being as they don’t exist. Oh yea, one more thing, it’s a GAME.

Pink robes.
These robes are just odd. Nothing further to add.

Strangely enough, just because one person thinks they’re “odd” – with no reasoning whatsoever – doesn’t seem to convince me that Jagex are going to take this particular suggestion seriously.

Burnt chicken.
They look too black. Ever seen a burnt chicken. Nothing like this :S

LOL, just LOL.

Why the heck aren’t these stackable? Surely you could make them into bigger piles with more of them?

Who collects ashes, in all seriousness, who does? Exactly. THAT’S why they aren’t stackable.

Magic logs.
Why do these look almost the exact same as willow. Many people get scammed this way. Make them sparkle OR ELSE

Or else what? I’m sure blind threats are going to make Jagex listen good and proper. Why do they need to sparkle, what would that possibly add to the games value? Nothing. They’re logs, you chop them for experience in the woodcutting skill not to sit on the computer and watch how much they sparkle. On the scamming front, if you’re dumb enough to get scammed because your trade isn’t sparkly enough, then you deserve to get scammed.

Why do these way so little? Why can we fit 28 in our backpack? They need to weigh way more. Make them weigh 10 kgs each and it will be fine.

First of all, its spelt “weigh”, seems he realized that after the first sentence. Why must they weigh 10kgs each? It seems he has once again neglected the fact that, yes, it’s a GAME, and also the fact that less weight makes your energy last longer if you’re running. Making lobsters weigh less is actually an advantage to you!

5 Death runes.
They need to be in a pile when there are 5 or more. And yes the pile changes for every single rune added.

What’s wrong with them just being stacked as soon as you get some? It takes up less inventory space allowing you to carry more things; wouldn’t that be better for you? Yikes.

Black dragonhide.
Not powerful enough. Make it more “hidey”. Better stats needed.

Define “hidey”, because I would really like to know where he pulled that word from.

How could these buckets be waterproof :S They look holey.

Who cares what they look like! The fact is, they DON’T leak, and it’s a GAME. *tear*

GARDENING TROWELS!!!! (These things are so annoying )
I suggest they are simply called trowels.
They are used for farming. DUH!

Um, last time I checked farming is a form of gardening. Although more complex it still involves soil and growing things, a similar concept to gardening. Therefore, what the hell is wrong with the name? Furthermore I would like to know what difference the name makes to its use in the game. They’re still trowels and they still dig, no matter what they’re called. DUH!

Ammo moulds.
These weigh too little. They need that “wow” factor.

Oh my God. “They need that ‘wow’ factor”?? What is particularly “wow” about an ammo mould?

*bashes head on desk*

They need to look more “orby”.

Once again, he manages to pull words from an unknown orifice. Define “orby”! And upon defining it, explain to me how Jagex would make something look MORE “orby”.

Dramen staff.
It just looks horrible Make it sparkle, after all the tree is special.”

This guy really has a thing for sparkles. I think I need not elaborate on what I’m implying here.

All insults aside, this guy really has a few decent and valid points about the game we so dearly love. I mean, with important matters to consider like, how much an object should sparkle and how much things weigh, I’m completely clueless as to why Jagex hasn’t already implemented these brilliant suggestions. Just remember, when mummy says its okay to play Runescape, she really means, its okay to play a game.

Until next month. Adios.

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